You’ve chosen a dating site and signed up, you’ve carefully chosen your photos and uploaded them, and you’ve written an impressive profile. Congratulations! But you’re not done yet. You still have work to do. It’s now time to do what you signed up for: search. The process is the same whether you’re swiping or clicking. Look, read, and if the profile hooks you, send a message. But what should you write? Here’s how you’ll know if your first message is good, bad or simply unacceptable.

Should you write whatever comes to mind in your first message? Well, not if you want to get a reply. A simple “hi” most likely won’t inspire anyone to write back, unless you’re exceptionally good looking and has an equally impressive profile. But if you took the time to read their profile, writing your first message shouldn’t be too difficult because you’ll know what to talk about.

In your first message, it’s nice if you could make a reference to something that you’ve learned from your potential partner’s profile. It could be something that they’re written or something that you’ve seen in their photos. Again, because suitable photos are excellent conversation starters, having a good selection of photos is crucial.

“So you’ve been to Thailand. Great! Do you also like Thai food?”

At this point, get rid of whatever shyness you may be feeling. It’s an online dating site and people are there essentially looking for a potential partner. Shyness has no place in it. It’s safe to assume that everyone on board is happy for every message they get, regardless if they respond to it or not.  

Which brings us to another important point. People on dating sites have their own personal preferences and may not respond to every message they get simply because the sender’s profile doesn’t fit their criteria. So don’t take it personally if you don’t get a reply despite making sure that your first message is great. Different folks, different strokes. That’s just how it works.

First Message Do’s

  • Read their profile first
  • Make a refence to something on their profile
  • Be honest and creative
  • Be open

First message Don’ts

  • Don’t be shy
  • Don’t just say ‘Hi”
  • Don’t ask questions that can be answered by what’s on their profile
  • Don’t take it personally if they don’t respond